Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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