I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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