I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
