First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
