woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
