i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
