if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
