I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
