The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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