Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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