The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize