take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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