I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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