I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
50% drunk capacity currently
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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