you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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