We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
