The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
