someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
