what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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