Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
