she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize