She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
