just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize