Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
