the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize