I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I enjoy the company of your penis
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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