Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
