So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
