it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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