who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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