I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
