Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize