dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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