And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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