I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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