Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize