I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
