i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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