Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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