addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
