Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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