bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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