I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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