My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
