This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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