I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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