Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
