I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
