Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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