I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
