Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
