my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
