I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize