Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's rum buckets o'clock
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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