Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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