So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
