just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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