Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
