im six kinds of drunk right now
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
