I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize