I just threw up on my dentist
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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