I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
