I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
