How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
