I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
