trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
