I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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