How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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