I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
