apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she looked like the before picture.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
