I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
