im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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