When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
