My room smells like vodka and shame
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
