dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
