I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
