What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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