OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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