when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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