Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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