Just fell off a train. Bad.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
