I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish you could order shots online.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
