You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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