my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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