I feel great
I just peed on a car
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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